Living day to day
So obsessed
With self improvement
Everything else is so hollow
When all I do Is wallow
In my imperfections
In my lack of self worth
How can I live life to it's fullest
When it's a life I don't deserve
Every reward must be earned
Nothing has substance unto itself
It's been like this for months
I can barely remember the last time that I felt something
So I'll plan out my days
Walk around the streets where I grew up
Only time will tell
If this lifestyle pays off
I'll spark up some new friendships
Try and maintain the few I've got
Hoping these interactions
Won't leave me lost
Nothing to find
No way from my mind
I'll ignore the wasted days
All the friendships I've thrown away
All the times I've tried to make my life
Anything more than a mistake
Hopes of progression fill my thoughts
I just hope that I can beat the odds
Completionism isn't the right mindset
When it feels like there isn't much time left
I hope that I find my way back
I hope I follow my path
This mindset might be destroying me
But I'm too afraid to ask
It's Unbelievable
I've done it again
This mind-numbing tiredness
A hangover from lack of death
Thought I could fix myself
Thought that I could feel whole
My compensation hasn't worked
And now all I remember is the cold
Blade of sorrow
From the depths of my room last night
Sheets crumpled
My body shuddering
Wishing I didn't have to fight
Against my own free will
Against my common sense
Calling all my thoughts
To call for help from a friend
Why didn't she bother to stop
Why does that make me happy
Do I want this all to end
Or is it just from lack of trying
I've got to summon up the strength
To break my bubble of dull self-negligence
I just need a break
From this stressful cycle
Blood mixed with sweat mixed with tears
I can't always occupy myself
With a few chords and a verse
The result is desperation
And me at my worst
I didn't want anyone to know
But I needed the handhold
I can't rest easy yet
But I can pass out all alone
Fuck you Riley
Why can't you just get it right
You always drag yourself down
Before you've even fucking tried
Stop wallowing in your hopelessness
I know that you're more than this
Don't let them all down now
Prove yourself wrong just this once
Thank god she bothered to stop me
Because I'm so fucking happy
I don't want this all to end
And no way I'll ever stop trying
I'm gonna summon up the strength
To break my bubble of dull self negligence
I don't need a break
I just need determination and confidence
Blood mixed with sweat mixed with tears
Love mixed with pain mixed with fears
Sun blotted out by rain on new frontiers
Hope mixed with ehart mixed with sheer fucking joy
Blood seeps from my lip
As I slip through the cracks once again
Waiting at the station all I really want
Is for someone to talk to me
Feet swelling from these mud splattered shoes
Time wasted on thoughts of being with you
None of this is new
But it gives me something to do
So I can pretend to forget that I'm going nowhere
Worn out train tracks
Look onto the corpses at the station
Off in the distance
The lights on a crane highlight
The constant sickness of the sky
And I feel sick to my stomach
From the Blood and embarrassment
I'm incompetent
A tiled floor lit only with your lamp
A cat thats on my chest thats
Prophesied my death
A drink thats spilled on the floor
Me splling my heart thats closed
Yet another door
Thats how I became the boy who couldnt love the girl
The boy who kept getting distracted by the billboard
That said “disappear here”
I’m just a painting of gleaming nihilism
I’m just a wet floor sign thats covered by a shelf
I just want more than Im willing to give
I just want more than time will give
I met you at probably the worst time
You met me at my epitome of living a lie
Thats how I became the boy who couldnt love the girl
The boy who kept getting distracted by the billboard
That said “disappear here”
I’m just a painting of gleaming nihilism
I’m just a wet floor sign thats covered by a shelf
Im just the ghost haunting my friends apartment
Im just the ghost haunting my love life
Like I said way back then
“Im going downhill all the way”
Holding on only out of previous obligations
Unrequited love for my bestfriend his girlfriends always in the way
My Mom says “what I do is gonna kill me”
And what I do is really unfulfilling
I wish I didnt need this fucking money
This job sucks so much its borderline funny
And as I stand in this room
I look over at you and dont know what to do
I hear my friend say in the background
“I just wanna be a person”
I just wish you want you here in this moment
And I heard treat women like queens
Even after they leave
But with you being so fucking cruel
Its been real hard to stay the course
To stay the course
And as I stand in this room
I look over at you and dont know what to do
I hear my friend say in the background
“I just wanna be a person”
I just wish you want you here in this moment
In another blackout party
I’m dreaming of every situation
That lets me call you the following day
But Ill choke on all my words and forget
anything that was interesting I had to say
I wont hold it against you
When youre gone next week
And you whispered to me “can you be the substitute for the guy I like?”
And I said “okay as long as you give me a reason to be alive”
And I hope I dont end up like mark hoppus
singing about the same bullshit at 47
And I just hope we end up at each others throats
Because that means we cared at some point
I wont hold it against you
When youre gone next week
And you whispered to me “can you be the substitute for the guy I like?”
And I said “okay as long as you give me a reason to be alive”
And as this ship is sinking
Ill burn every bridge as I get to it
And I hope y’all are on them
So I can say goodbye all at once
Where do you think this will go?
I wont hold it against you
When youre gone next week
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