How do I alienate myself from everyone
It's the internal struggle that can't be won
It's the doubt in my mind that makes me fad into the walls
But I'm still waiting for a miracle
I'm still waiting for my curtain call
Every gig I feel sickened inside
Not letting my thoughts of actions out of my mind
Not letting the words on the tip of my tongue collide
With anyone
Or Anything
But I need a change
A new set of wings
Hiding in a bubble
Staying away from those that I already know
But there's nothing subtle
About talking to someone once then avoiding them for months
I can't break this habit
How can friendships flourish if I lack the courage
Now it's automatic
The way I wallow in my own antisocial tendencies
Fear of rejection isn't something I can forget
My whole life I've been trapped in this mindset
Will I stay like this
Will I fail like this
Is failure in myself something I can forgive?
All These weak needs
Bring Me down to my knees
Bring me down to your level
Where it's easier for you to watch me bleed
And in the light of what you'd done
We'd all seen what you'd become
And it let me know I didn't need you anymore
All I needed was the will not to live my life
Wrapped up in these bed sheets
And sorrowful thoughts
All I want is to find a place to get away
As my mental health crumbles my care for anything fades
Into time spent trying to hide from friends and school
It all feels like a waste of time
So why should I care if I'm eligible
For some fucking uni course
That'll lead me to another brick wall
I just want to say fuck it all and drop out
I can be broke and happy
I'm sure my teachers will be fine without me
I'll just live in some shithole
Fuck it I like my minimum wage job
It's the only thing that makes sense anymore
Should I choose mediocrity to avoid an education
I could live alone in my own little world
I've made it this far but I guess there's nothing I deserve
I just want to drop out
I'm not even joking anymore
The options are right there so what am I wasting my time for
It's time to make up for all the hours that I've lost
Doing fuck all
Cos that's seriously all I want
I'll drift between sad and angry
Till I wake up from this bad dream
And I'll gladly trade this deadbeat lifestyle
For anything that I can find
I wish the world had ended
back in 2012
I was only 16
my problems unseen
a pill problem not yet formed
a broken heart still whole
I still liked to draw
I still had a soul
but now I am lost
and I dont want to be found
i wish the world had ended
back in 2014
i was madly in love
and I could hold a job
i was high all the time
i knew how to lie
I would bleed theough my jeans
you would kiss my soul clean
but now i am lost
and I dont want to be found
I know now shes gone
I know now hes gone
And we dont wanna be found
Yea we dont wanna be found
I dont know I dont know what I want to do anymore
but please god stop asking me
I thought i wanted to be your space cadet
but i dont want to be anything anymore
love following me everywhere I go
leave me alone i dont want this anymore
should I rewatch restuko or heathers
maybe itll be true romance
I probably should avoid all of this
it just makes me wanna fall in love
love following me everywhere I go
leave me alone i dont want this anymore
so I’ll just watch hobo with a shotgun
put a hole into my brain
maybe ill just go for a walk
after all its raining outside
love following me everywhere I go
leave me alone I dont want this anymore
For one reason or another you kept the nickname I gave to you
and these dreams that haunt me
are the only thing thats new
and this dog that sleeps on my bed
I dont know if he cares instead
I’ll think about rainy days and how I met you
if youth is wasted on the young
then wealth is wasted on the old
cuz I know about 6 people
that would give it all up
to make sure we all could eat
we could all sleep inside
have a nice dog or cat and i guess maybe some mice
but back to my weird dreams
and how i feel about you
youll call me on my birthday and ask me “whats new?”
remember that time in the bridge by the new parking lot
you sang me a song
and we had lots of pot
we both walked home and we called right away
we both said it was really rad and our best day
and do I do things just for the story? so I can write about and people wont think im boring
and if its true is it really that bad? Im getting out of my shell are you proud yet dad?
so what do I do with all of this and whyd I tell all of you?
i guess it has to come out before my face turns blue
and that stuff about my dog I know he cares a lot
I just needed somethin thatd hit your soft spot
now I’ll go think
about all the stuff I said
all the stuff I think
and all the stuff I read
maybe I’ll just go to bed
who knows maybe
I’ll get to it tomorrow
and all my failures are brought me by
selfishness and greed
lack of foresight and money
genocide and percocets
alcohol and cigarettes
are the only crutch I need
I think its about time
I kill whats inside
thats holding me back
no really dude im fine
just think its about time
I kill whats inside
thats holding me back
no really dude im fine
I just think its time
I kill whats inside
thats holding me back
no really dude im fine
I just think its time
I kill whats inside
thats holding me back
and I know my dog thinks im cool
but that wont pay for my school
so I gotta work overtime
and I just wont wanna go to bed
but i gotta or instead
ill be lookin down a barrel of a gun
no really dude im fine
I just think its time
I kill whats inside
thats holding me back
I dont wanna do this anymore
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